Saturday, October 6, 2012

Continuing Proverbs 31: Waiting for Renewal, Trusting in Love

   In a few short days our family will pass the one year anniversary of a terrible and significant loss. My little sister's husband, from whom she was then recently separated, took his own life. He left behind three beautiful children and a large, loving, extended family.

   In the midst then of attempting the first Proverbs 31 study, I suspended it and wrote this on October 16th of last year:
Breathing Deeply
   Eight days ago the lives of some of my most beloved people changed forever.  Our family was thrust into grief and shock, worse than any I have ever before witnessed firsthand.  All week long we have responded to each other the way I hope all families everywhere can manage to do.  I feel as profoundly grateful for my parents, my siblings, and my husband as I feel sad for the incredible loss being suffered.
   Having just now opened my laptop for the first time since the terrible news, the first thing I notice is that life goes on.  Whether we think we like it or not, the world is still turning.  Other people are still maintaining routines, relationships, and the pursuit of beauty in daily life.  Still oceans of happiness and possibility remain unexplored, and this is good.
   I'll now be gradually stepping back into reading and writing, trying to revive my study of Proverbs 31 and also sharing some of the things we learned this week.  Prayers are still needed and appreciated for my sister, her children  our parents, everybody.
   Rather than leave you on a sad note, I want to assure you of the power of love and hope.  The potential for old hurts to be soothed, for flaring tempers to be cooled.  Love is not just soft and romantic or even sexy; it is truly powerful.  Love motivates; it emboldens; it focuses and multiplies our energy.  Love is miraculous, and it causes me to KNOW that all things are possible.
   Late last night we witnessed the marriage of Handsome's nephew and his young bride, and I could feel in my lungs and my bones that Love is alive.  I breathed it in deeply, let it saturate my body, and savored the realization that what lies ahead of us is better than what lies behind us.
Best wishes, be as happy as you can, count your blessings.

   In the wake of Tim's suicide, as I hope you can only imagine, everything that remains has changed forever. His children continue to grow and mature without him. They are very young and in such pain. His parents continue to live their lives, but they grieve constantly. And my little sister has almost fully self destructed. 

   Exactly one day before this awful, gut wrenching anniversary, my family will be binding together hoping for some good news for my sister, our petite, flaxen haired social butterfly girl, now all grown up and hurting worse than we can imagine. We'll be hoping that her year of extreme mourning is coming to a close and that she can bury some of the debris of this destruction and become a mother and a happy person again.

   I still believe this... That LOVE IS POWERFUL. Not because WE are powerful who give it but because it comes first from LOVE Himself. As flawed and ugly as we sometimes are, we are also drenched in mercy and forgiveness, grace and blessings beyond what we deserve. The more we share it and pour it back out to others, the better it flows back to us.

   Those of you who read the Lazy W and consider me a friend, I am asking for your prayers this coming week. Beyond just thinking positively and making the most of life's heartache, this is a serious need, and I would be so grateful if you would share some of your love and faith with my little sister, her children, and our parents. I firmly believe that prayer can change things, that LOVE is the most powerful force on earth and beyond it. And I would be so happy for some relief to rain down on our family.

   Thank you ahead of time, because I know so many of you by name who will already be praying before you comment or email me or anything! 

   We'll pick back up on Proverbs 31 tomorrow.



  1. Dear Marie: It's interesting that I've only known you for about a year, and that I have always read "grieving," or "sadness" in some of your posts but never understood from where the pain came. Clearly, this is one of the sources. I'm so sorry for your sister, for Tim's family, and for you and your extended family. And, I'm so glad you have your faith and have the hope of that faith to share...blessings today, and peace this week, Kelly

  2. Good morning sweet Marie,

    Just like so many things in this world, I cannot even fathom the pain that someone who takes their own life must feel. And then the pain explodes exponentially in the hearts of those left behind. There's no doubt the guilt and sorrow that your sister must feel is devastating. No one can take that away from her; but you can rock her gently along. You're so right about the power of love. Love is an epic warrior and its victory is made even sweeter by sharing in it with friends. Together we'll lock arms, hearts ready to embrace your family and we won't relent. Love is stubborn that way; that's what makes it perfect.

    Thank you for your brave post, love ya honey!

  3. You already know I send love, so much love, to your family. To Tim's family. To all who knew and love Tim, and of course your sister. Losing someone we love sucks so very much. Losing someone to suicide ... I can't even explain how it felt for me. I'll try to write up a post in the hopes it can help someone understand what it might be like from another point of view.

    Love, love, love to you, B, and the farmily.

  4. Marie, I am sending you and your loved ones all my love and intention.

  5. My dear Marie. This is so profound and so moving. I am sending up prayers as I type for your little sister and you and your whole family. Grieving is so unhinged and messy and so hard to witness, not to mention do.
    I pray especially for healing for your sister. For peace and for strength. Those prayers - I know this - are being answered in part by your presence in her life. So I pray for your strength as well. So much love to you. xo

  6. I came looking for you after for whatever reason forgot I had a pintrest account and when I remembered log in info.. whola there your pretty face was..HA!.. and here I am.. but man what a post this is to read...

    When someone we love dies, no matter how the loss happens, we never get over it, we just find a new way to function.. sometimes it is not always favorable, but there is always HOPE... you bet I will be praying ....

    aka The Barn Swallow
    AKA the former momma of Mia.. (i added this just in case you forgot who I


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