Unsolicited Advice: Marital Edition Part Two,

   Hello again! Thanks so much for all of the sweet happy anniversary wishes and for reading this fun series! Handsome and I surely appreciate it. If you haven't yet seen Part One of Unsolicited Advice: Marital Edition, you can read it here.

   I have another installment for you today, but first, a little comic floating around the internet that pretty well sums things up...

   Right? Perfect bottom line, I think. Solid advice if ever I heard it. Wish I had thought to just say THAT before giving you 24 pieces of advice. : )

   Okay. Part Two. These bits of marital wisdom are not necessarily grouped into themes, but I think it's fun to see some parallels still. Again, we did not consult each other as we wrote.

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   He Said:  Love her quirks. These small idiosyncrasies are the things that will bring a smile to your face for the rest of your life.

   She Said:  Take lots of photos, write some journals of your memories, and surround yourselves with those positive, loving, laughter-bringing memories. You might be surprised what you would forget otherwise. And not just the big stuff; take stock of the mundane things too. Not every day has to be a show-stopper. The ordinary days add up, and reflecting on and celebrating them together now and then is wonderful. Later, when crises come (they will), you can take care of business but crave that calm normalcy together. You will know that your foundation is enough. At hectic, stressful times, Handsome and I have often laughed after crying, saying, We just want a quiet day at home with the animals and each other, and a home coked meal, is that so wrong? And in this difficult season without the kids, we have thousands of photos to remind us of what life was like with them. Not that we forget exactly, but sometimes pain and waiting have a way of dulling the old joys. And tactile memories help tremendously.

   He Said:  Get her a car that makes her happy, even if she doesn't task for it. She should ride in style with a smile! Listen, guys, don't put your girl in a minivan and expect her to feel like a sports car...

   She Said:  Learn how to live cheaply. Be the funnest date you can be, while spending the least. Sometimes cash will flow more freely than others, of course, but it's always good to know how to entertain yourselves without a huge monetary sacrifice. It's wonderful to know how to make up games, explore new places, and enjoy all kinds of entertainment on a shoestring. I can honestly say that we have had just as much fun and romance on cheap, spontaneous outings close to home (or at home) than on expensive dates in other cities.

   He Said:  Love her arts, whatever they are... Promote her to do them often, as they make her the woman you fell in love with. This one is so so easy for me, as most of my girl's arts center around her creating a beautiful home, a tasty meal, or fun!

   She Said:  Make regular, enthusiastic attempts to have fun doing stuff that he loves. I know that to some people this sounds old fashioned and cheesy, but it's not. I'm not talking about being a Stepford follower- type wife; I'm talking about legitimately involving yourself in whatever it is that makes this man you LOVE tick. We have made some of our best friends while showing cars, which is something I would probably never think of doing without him. And I have learned a ton of interesting stuff by paying attention when he gets excited about a car or a new project. If instead I left him to his own devices, just sort of dismissed him instead of accepting his welcome into this fun world, then I would miss that expression of little-boy joy he gets on his face when he talks cars. I do not understand the notion of limiting each other just because you don't organically share a passion. Give yourself a chance to see things through his eyes, and do not discourage him.

His first minutes behind the wheel as owner of his Cobra, a lifelong dream.
I will never forget the look on his cute face!

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   Okay friends, that's what I have for you today. It's getting close to dinnertime, and I have some big Alfredo-flavored plans. Please feel free to share your own inspired marital advice here or on Facebook or by email! I would love to her what works for other couples.

Love is a Verb
xoxoxoxo

Unsolicited Advice: Marital Edition Part I, the Common Ground

   Hey friends! It's Anniversary Week around here, so as promised it's time for our first installment of Unsolicited Advice: Marital Edition. I announced this funny little project with my ornery tongue in the corner of my doubtful cheek but have since enjoyed some surprisingly positive feedback from you guys! So I hope this is good.

   Please remember... What follows, whether silly or serious,  are OUR experiences, OUR lessons learned, OUR slants on life... All based on the twelve years Handsome and I have been negotiating the marital waters. What works for us may have disastrous consequences for you. Then again, we may have cracked the code. You tell me!

   Okay. First, it bears mentioning that Handsome and I wrote our 12 pieces of advice separately, independently, flying solo and untethered by consultation with each other. And we each could easily have written far more than twelve little things. And each of those twenty-four things could have been books! Because, seriously. You learn through mistakes, and mistakes have stories attached. REALLY GOOD stories, sometimes...

   We then thought it would be fun to see how much of our thinking overlapped with each other. There was plenty. So to start our advice column tonight, a little common ground:

1. Grass is Greenest Where You Water It.
   She Said: Do what you can to become an expert on your husband. Learn everything about his needs, wants, preferences, dreams, goals, strengths, and weaknesses. Then pour all of your energy into loving him and caring for him in the ways HE needs you to, not necessarily the ways you read about or assume you should. Hey, while you're at it, read Love Languages. It's commercial, sure, but pretty enlightening. Speak his languages whenever you can and don't make the mistake of expecting your languages to be the same. Become the world's expert on him.
   He Said: Make sure her needs and desires are met, because you want to, not because you fear what may happen. A woman in love will make your dreams come true, so you should do everything in your power to return the favor...

2. Fun is Not Extra Credit.
   She Said: Seek adventure together! In every sense, both privately and as world-citizens, actively hunt for fun experiences, routine-busters, laughter, games, silliness, thrills, and more. Also... Sex and romance are vital parts of life. Neglecting them even for a short time will cause both of you to suffer in surprising ways. It's totally natural, and it's also one of the best ways to express yourself freely. So if you feel guilty for craving or enjoying fun with your guy, stop. And if you're neglecting him, also... stop. Hubba-hubba.
   He Said:  Find things you both can enjoy, and do them often. There is no greater anticipation than looking forward to something fun together! Travel together and see the world. Build more experiences together than you could ever have apart. Sharing your lives is what makes your bond stronger. I could never imagine enjoying new things without her to share them with right then!

3. 'Cause You Gotta Havva Faitha-Faitha-Faitha!
   She Said:  Trust. Yes, like respect, everyone likes to say that trust is earned, and it sort of is. But sometimes what a marriage needs most is that bold flavor of trust that is issued ahead of time, that trust that is given freely more as an act of faith than as a reward for some kind of behavior. (This is something I am learning right now, by the way, because personal insecurity is huge for me. And Handsome pays the price for it more than he deserves.) Trust your guy regardless of what people outside your relationship do or say.
   He Said:  Be honest at all costs. Nothing hurts a woman in love like the feeling of deceit. If you love her, you will share your thoughts and feelings.

4. You as a Couple Are Not an Island
   She Said:  Be good to each other's families even when it's difficult. Maybe especially when it's difficult, because there will be days like that. Extend yourselves and maintain friendships with all kinds of people. Handsome and I have been so blessed in so many unexpected ways by getting close to a variety of interesting people. We feel so blessed to love each others families and love all of our friends! And I have learned so much about my husband in all of this. I can't even imagine not having our loved ones close to our marriage, even as much as we definitely prize our intimacy and time alone.
   He Said:  Have a family. You will never fully appreciate the depth of your wife's love until you see her mold the lives of little ones she loves more than her own breath.

   So there is our beginning! Four areas where Handsome and I had similar wisdom to share. I hope at least part of it is interesting to you, and I really hope you'll share your thoughts and reactions! As with everything else in life, I have had so much fun learning a little more about him with this exercise.

   Part Two soon!

Happy Anniversary Baby
xoxoxoxo