Thursday, July 14, 2011

Marriage Rules We Break

   Some people say that you have to know what the rules are so you can break them.  I have over the years spent a fair amount of time reading about how other people do things and trying to absorb the wisdom of the ages, especially when it comes to either running a home or maintaining relationships.  So I know there are certain things the best advice sources will always tell married couples to do, but my boy and I don't always agree. 
Just for fun, as part of our Tenth Anniversary Week,
here are three long accepted rules
that Handsome and I tend to, well, shatter:
"Never eat dinner in front of the Television."  We do a lot better job obeying this rule when the kids are home, circling the four of us around the dining room table in a more traditional way,  practicing good manners and such, but especially when it's just the two of us Handsome and I have a great time watching funny stuff while we fill our bellies.  And frankly I am done feeling guilty about it. 
   By the time dinner is ready we've already shared the day's headlines with each other, and decompression from the stressful things which we cannot remedy is vital to our mental and physical health.  So who cares if we watch a couple of commercial-free comedies while enjoying good food?  Laughter is incredibly binding AND good for digestion.  And we'll always have nights out at fabulous restaurants to prove to each other we still can mind our table manners and be good dates. 
   One final note, DVR is the best thing since sliced bread.  Agreed?

"Do Not Go to Bed Angry."  Umm, yeah right.  Sometimes people who love each other fight.  Sometimes they fight late in the evening when it is already almost bedtime; in fact, for us I tend to think it is often exhaustion that contributes to the fray in the first place.  And even if the arguments have all been finished and the right words have all been uttered, sometimes the hot, brittle air is not yet cleared. 
   Call me crazy, but I think that going to bed angry (or at least super annoyed because he sure didn't sound sorry or she didn't look relaxed no matter what they said...) is a better choice than not going to bed at all.  That might mean less cuddling in the dark and a cooler reception when the roosters crow, but you know what they say about absence...  If you are in love then you will miss each other after a lonely night sans-passion.
   The fresh light of morning can sometimes burn off the residue of tension better than can one more round of late night deliberation. I am not suggesting you ignore the scripture that advises against letting the sun set on  straight-up wrath; just that once in a while, when it serves you both, sleep on it.  But if you do, please determine to walk softly in the morning, looking for the first opportunity to hug and smooch, not reignite hurt feelings.  xoxoxo

"You Have to Work at Your Relationship."  Balderdash.  Actually, we work enough in life already.  Maybe it's just plain good luck, but Handsome and I don't feel like this is necessary.  It seems like genuinely enjoying your relationship is a whole heckuva lot better than working on it.  In fact, working on it tends to be when we get into trouble (see #2). 
   Sure, your union may need tending now and then, a spot of nurturing perhaps, but think of it in healthy, green, growth-based terms, not arduous, sweaty, unpleasant ones that elicit thoughts of time cards, obligations, and tool boxes.  Seriously, the next thing you know the word "talk" will cause nausea and hives. 

   So there you have it.  Three old fashioned rules that Handsome and I have gradually decided, through trial and error, do not apply to us.  We break a few more, but those are none of your beeswax. 

Happy Romancing...  xoxoxo

1 comment:

  1. DVR - agreed! I think it's more important to be together and share more often than not than to assign an arbitrary time, like mealtime. Besides, then there's that other rule of not talking with your mouth full. Depending on how hungry we are, that one is more likely to be followed!

    As for the angry thing ... sleeping on it often makes thestupidthingsheorhesaidandIcan'tBELIEVEs/hedoesn'tgetwhyI'mmadanyway much more innocuous. It also seems to make holyoverreactionandIhavenoideawhatIdidbutitseemslikeI'mpayingforitnow less judge-able.

    And, I'll go with not working, but enjoying, tending, nurturing. There definitely has to be some tending or things tend to result in your #2 again.

    Happy anniversary week! xoxoxo


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