Hi you guys! I am surprised and frustrated to see that an entire week has passed since writing anything. For months now but especially this past week, every day has been filled with activity from before dawn until the latest hours. So I really shouldn't be surprised at the lack of writing; it's just that time has passed so strangely this week. The days have run together and I have lost track of their passage.
Some of the hours have been incredibly sad, truly grief stricken, and others have been just plain stressful. But some slices of life around here have been very peaceful and happy too. Deeply joyful. We have so many blessings to count and celebrate. Truly. I feel like ending the weekend with a 5 Senses Tour to sort of take inventory and catch my breath.
See: My husband working across the room on some family photo and paperwork scanning projects. He's already getting tanned for the summer, and his green eyes glow bright and clear against his darkening skin. He is so gorgeous, and I love watching him concentrate. I love watching his eyes focus, his arms flex, and his jaw set firm. He keeps looking over to smile and wink and air kiss me. I can also see the X Men movie playing on our bedroom television, a basket of clean folded laundry, and my hurriedly painted toenails. I see luscious green pastures through the windows. And here is a new book I just started, on loan from a book club friend Desiree...
Hearing: The ceiling fan, the hum of the air conditioner, X Men, and an occasional rooster outside.
Tasting: Iced coffee. Sweet, creamy with half and half, perfectly dark and strong, and very very cold and wonderfully refreshing.
Touching: Clean bed sheets, new yellow cotton shirt I snapped up at a garage sale yesterday (it is incredibly soft), light breeze from the ceiling fan, and the annoying burn of a scrape I got on my shin earlier, from running into a dead sunflower stalk. That thing was like a steel pipe you guys, seriously! Ouch. Watch out for those things. I might need stitches. Not really.
Thinking: In church this morning we heard a lot of good messages, but one has been echoing in my head all day: "God doesn't answer needs; He answers faith." This will naturally spark a lot of debate and conversation with people, as it has in my own troubled mind, and as always I welcome your thoughts here. But so far the statement seems to be consistent with my life: Those prayers which remain unanswered are probably the ones where my doubt is strongest. Kind of a cruel paradox, but if it is true then it bears with it clear direction: Trust God. Also, I met a fascinating woman today who started telling me her life story in just about half an hour, quite by surprise, and I am so glad for this. She's on my mind tonight. I am thinking about the garden for sure, excited to join the early warm climate with some growing projects of my own. Thinking of local honey. Thinking of camel rides with my friend Marci. Thinking of how differently people navigate grief. Wondering what the girls are thinking about. Hoping my Uncle Chris is doing alright.
Feeling: Very grateful for the love in my life. From passion, romance, and truly wonderful friendships to family ties and new acquaintances, love is abundant. I feel it all around me and all through my daily life, which is amazing. The power of Love to overcome my anger, fear, and bitterness is nothing short of awe-inspiring. I miss the girls more than I can put into words. Their beautiful faces and sweet voices and memories of their skin are never far from the surface, so I am always on the verge of tears to mention them. But even that dark feeling is being slowly overcome by Love. I feel hopeful. I feel happy for the past and excited for the future. Content in the present, confident that they are not just alright but thriving. I feel so proud of Handsome for his talents and work ethic, for all of his accomplishments at the commish lately and for everything on the horizon there. I definitely feel sad that our family has lost our grandmother, regretful that I didn't see her more these past few years. I want more than ever to spend extra time with my Grandpa Rex.
This sensory inventory could go on for hours, you guys, but I will close up now and work on something else. I have book reviews coming, in addition to everything else I've been meaning to write. Thank you so much for stopping by the digital Lazy W. How is everybody else doing?
Life is Beautiful