Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Why You Maybe Should Not Run

   I have been running, you guys. Remember the Iron Goat? This is a pretty huge development in my weird life, and it brings with it lots of notable observations and new trains of thought. Today while running around our back field I literally got the giggles as one thing after another seemed to conspire against me. Against the spirit of positive thinking, I'm going to share some of it with you fine people. Following are some totally logical reason NOT to run:

  • You have been over-hydrating all week and also drinking three tons of cranberry juice per day to ward off an odd pain in your back, so you need to pee every 90 seconds.
  • You are wearing yoga leggings that are slightly baggy at the hips so they scoot down every time you bounce. Which is every time you take a stride.
  • The horses occupying the field in which you are trying to run are so fascinated by your strange new activity that they stare at you until they have clearly lost all respect for you. Not that they had much to begin with. But still.
  • The songs on your playlist are so much fun that singing along with them costs you more oxygen than your struggling lungs can afford. Teach yourself how to Dougie some other time, lady. 
  • The abundant cacti are blending in with the prairie grass and the uppers of your shoes are thin fabric.
  • It has been more than 90 seconds and your neighbor just drove down the adjacent dirt road, waving at you.
  • I've heard that running can be addictive. Can I really afford one more addiction? Because we all know I am NOT sacrificing coffee. Or books. Or auctions and garage sales. Or gardening.
  • Sometimes, just sometimes, honey bees might swarm you.
  • If you sprain your ankle on those Oklahoma red rocks, your neighbor will definitely not be home any more to help or call anyone for you, because that's just how things work.
  • What if I get too skinny? (LOL)
Run at Your Own Risk, Ladies


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...