Have you ever carried on a fairly weighty conversation with a friend while she is dressed this way? Hysterical. No matter the topic... I couldn't take a single solitary word seriously. She was very animated, gesturing with her arms in all of their IV-riddled glory. She bobbed her hair-net head while relaying really serious-sounding general facts. In fact, I have no clue what we even discussed. But I do have two priceless cell phone photos of her in this memorable state.
Anyway, when Marci was finally wheeled off for what turned out to be a VERY long surgery, she entrusted the care of her smart phone to me.
Did you catch that? Not just a cell phone. Her smart phone. Her portal to the world as she knows it. In particular... Facebook.
I know.
In order to curb my obvious and understandable cravings to wreck Marci's social media life while she rode the warm waves of anesthesia, I had to plug her phone in far across the room and distract myself with a new novel and a huge diet coke. It worked.
By the way, I just started The Lonely Polygamist and can't put it down. Anyway.
Time flew past, as did a luscious midday thunderstorm, and eventually Marci returned all sewn up and just as giggly and chatty as before surgery. (The anesthesia was still at high tide, for sure.) I texted her loved ones a message of success. I updated my Facebook status accordingly and realized OH NO!!! I TOTALLY FORGOT! Dang it. I sat with my regret over missing this rare opportunity and just watched sullenly as the slender piece of glass and metal technology changed hands from me back to her.
A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Squandered for the sake of good manners.
So I think I'll now write all the things I wish I had done with Marci's smartphone. Care to join me?
I should have posted that she was leaving the white collar world forever in pursuit of Etsy fame. Marci is a great painter and revels in creative activity. But she's also a talented worker and fixture at the Commish. It could have caused turbulence.
I should have randomly chosen one of her Facebook friends and fastidiously "liked" and commented on every one of that person's photos, comments, updates, etc. Every dang detail, for as long as I could stand it. Have you had someone do this to your Facebook? It's funny. For like, a minute.
I should have sent friend requests on her behalf to a hundred random people, with private messages attached. The weirder the selection, the better.
Then unfriended actual friends, also with private messages attached. Ouch.
I should have "liked" a ton of inappropriate pages for her. Then commented publicly on them all. Especially lingerie models and such. Or known liberals.
I should have flooded her Facebook feed with disjointed haiku and bad song lyrics. And then asked her friends for advice on random life issues.
I should have posted that she was abandoning Candy Crush Saga forever. But that would have been an OBVIOUS hack.
I should have done lots of liberal-politics supporting stuff. Especially gun control and unschooling.
I should have made fake status updates about the wrong appendage being fixed. That's not NEARLY as bad as a pregnancy joke.
And finally... I REALLY should have posted that gown & hair net photo and made it her profile pic. You're welcome, Marci.
Have you ever been viciously hacked by a friend? What happened, and how mad were you? What would you LOVE to do as a prank to your friend's Facebook?
Rest up Marci. I know you're hurting. I'll be here if you need me but wishing desperately I'd taken this fun opportunity.
With friends like this...
XOXOXOXO
