Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Closing the Door to Worry

   Sometimes yesterday, though I cannot tell you what time, something really special happened to me. 
At the risk of sounding too mystical or weird, I'd say it was an outright personal vision

   Without warning, my heart felt years of stagnant, accumulated worry just melt down 
into a deep, still puddle and retreat behind a door, like a weak and frightened oil spill. 
It just poured out of my spirit somehow then silently disappeared. All of it. 

Then with my mind, no... even with my actual eyeballs, I saw that door closing.

   Does this freak you out at all? I hope not. It was a wholly positive experience. 
Please listen to just a little more...

   I wasn't sure for a few minutes what was happening, but as it sank in I felt better and better. Handsome is home from the office this week. In fact, yesterday was his thirty-seventh birthday! We went about our relaxing and I never mentioned it to him until tonight.

   But the relief gradually transformed into joy. Then this morning I woke up with an even more concentrated sense of freedom, and I am so excited to share it with you guys now!

I found this image and traced it back to a site called Nooks and Crannies
but the original link no longer exists.
So I have no idea where this breathtaking door
can actually be found, but isn't it great?

   Again, what I saw most vividly was a door. A tall, heavy, beautiful, carved and gilded wooden door, a door that once and for all and right before my eyes closed shut against a cavernous room filled with all of my worries. More worries even than what could possibly have melted out of me a moment ago. That room was deep and dark and lonely, hopeless, unproductive. And the door closed of its own accord. I heard the complicated latch click; I heard the wood groan; and I saw a little puff of dust escape through the paper thin space at the floor.

   You guys, it was a brief event, but so incredible.

   The longer I sit with this feeling, this new lightness of spirit, the more beautiful that door seems to me. It has been changing shapes and colors all day as I try to recall the original image.

The source of this pretty photo is first Santa Barbara Chic then Caroline Arber.

   One minute, it is squared and unfinished, rough wood strapped with ancient iron fixtures. Another minute my mind has it appearing as stucco and draped with flowering bougainvillea vines, flanked by overflowing pots of fragrant herbs. Surely by tomorrow I will see this important door a half dozen more ways.

   This door that has sealed off worry is always thick and substantial. It is always strong and quiet, resolute in its duty to save me from myself. It sort of smiles at me (if doors can smile) and it reminds me in its still strength that reentering the Worry Room would be a deliberate choice on my part. It would require a decision and some energy spent to go keep company with those old worries again.

   So throughout today I have smiled back at the tall, mysterious, miraculous door; then I shift my focus.

   With the Worry Room full but locked behind me, I can see the rest of my world better. Unhindered and less fearful. I see the wild and lively gardens of life all around me... my marriage, my children, our parents, friends, and family, work, dreams, so many goals and hopes that have been on the back burner all this time because of worry. I can now reapply my time and energy where it will be much more profitable.

   Something besides me closed that door. Something else caused all of this to happen, and now everything is possible. I am suddenly and very happily released from that wasteful room.

   Stephanie, stop worrying. You have always loved beautiful doors, right? 
Every time I see one I think of you, and this one was no exception. 
I love you, and I hope you can close the door to your worries soon. 

   That's about all I have to tell you about what happened yesterday. The precipitating effects promise to be numerous, though. I can hardly think of a part of life that won't benefit from this new freedom and strength. 

Best wishes everyone. Worry is a waste. 


  1. That's beautiful! thank you for sharing.

    1. Hi there, nice to meet you! Thank you very much, I appreciate you reading! : )

  2. Tears of joy for you. May we all find that door and shut it firmly behind us.

    1. Hi Monkey Wrangler!! :) Yes, hoping this for all of us. Thanks for reading!

  3. I can't express how much I love this!

  4. You've truly had a lifting of spirits. Stay focused on this new feeling and all sorts of wonderful things will happen.

    Peace of mind is a wonderful feeling.

    1. Heather, I really have. I feel "forbidden" to step backwards. It's strange but good. I think of you a lot and how you got through these years. Thank you for the encouragement! xo

  5. What a beautiful experience, I'm so glad you shared. I've never had an experience quite so vivid myself, but I do hear little whispers from time to time. Last night I was telling Noah how much I admire your graceful spirit. Now here is one more thing: your real name isn't Stephanie, right? Here's to not losing another moment to worry. Clink.

    1. Hello B! Thank you, this kind of vividness was a first for me too. Pretty intense. And Steph is a dear friend of mine with too much worry in her heart.
      Is Noah home with you now?? xo

  6. What a divine gift, Marie! The Bible tells us many times not to worry or fear but to have this illustration so vividly shown to you is truly special. Thank you for so beautifully sharing this with us through your gift of words. I loved the passage you wrote on going back through the door would be a deliberate choice on your part. On our part! Thank you, Marie. This spoke to me today. I'm passing it along.

    1. Sonya!! xo Thanks for stopping in, the Biblical promises are in the back of my mind, though I have been reluctant to write about it because of so many things to sort out there. But I do believe them, and I know that this experience was a "True" one.
      Thanks again, I am so glad it spoke to you! xo

  7. When I was newly sober, I remember having vivid, visual experiences like the one you described so beautifully. I think, looking back, they were just what I needed and I am so lucky that I had them. I am grateful you had this one and that you shared it. It is so beautiful and peaceful and true. Thank you.

    1. Hi Tara!! With what (little) I know about your spiritual stance, I would be very interested in hearing about your visions... If you ever feel up to sharing it. xoxo
      I feel grateful too! And the awesome part is that the feeling has lasted every day and every night, all week long. I know deep in my bones it wasn't a fleeting "high" feeling, you know? The visual has impacted me every single time I recall it too.
      Thanks for stopping in, hope you're having a great weekend!

  8. I'm late to this party, but this sounds absolutely wonderful. I'm so happy for you! xoxo

    1. Oh, M. Thanks for reading. I know this has been quite a week for you, really good to hear your digital voice! xoxo I wish the door closed for you too. Love you to pieces.

  9. This is so beautiful. Isn't it just amazing this journey that we all travel together, so far apart, yet so close together...


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